First on the list: I am gay. Always been, always known but never accepted. That’s how it goes, the ups and the downs of not knowing for sure, not wanting to be that way, not accepting it because you might think it’s wrong, you’re different. You are never truly being yourself, because you don’t want it to be. But once you do accept and embrace the fact, hey I am gay, I am proud of it and anyone who has a problem with that is not worth spending my time with. Nobody should judge upon someone elses sexuality, it is a very personal thing and nobody should care. My favorite quote, the quote I have been trying to live by all my life is this: “Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are”. I haven’t been trying to be someone else but I can say that I am a lot more myself now as being gay is a big part of me.

I feel free, it is very liberating and I feel very good about myself. It’s fun, being who you are, being on a natural high and just be content with the situation you are in. It’s fantastic. I can only encourage anyone who reads this who is not so sure or not so confident whether or not coming out might be the right thing , to actually come out. You’d be surprised how fantastic people react nowadays. It has become normal and it is widely accepted, which is fabulous.
And to do all this while falling in love with my girlfriend Heather, is even more fun.

Heather and the purple starfish

It’s quite funny, usually everyone else knows before you do. I can imagine that there are quite a few friends out there who knew all along and some might be a little shocked. Those who are shocked will get over it, since I am still the same person Same old, same old, yet a little different.

Shocker Number Two

Which will be a shocker for everyone. I am not coming home next week. I am embracing the opportunity of staying in Vancouver, using the visa I already have and take this chance to be a “rebel” and do what I think is right and change all the plans I had. I will come home in December, just before Christmas, just in time to celebrate those special days with my loved ones at home.

I see this as a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, to go off (or rather stay) for a while longer, without having to think about paying off a house, a job at home or any other big responsibilities and use the extra time to figure myself out a bit more, explore and not worry about university and jobs at home just yet.
I do know and realize that quite a few people got very excited for me to come home already, and I am sorry I am not coming home next week. I wish flights were cheaper and I could just hop on the plane, come home and give you all a consolation hug. Unfortunately it doesn’t work this way. I will come home before Christmas, it’s just a little bit longer and then I will be there.
I do miss you guys, please don’t get me wrong! But I know, that you will still be there when I come home by the end of the year. Chances and opportunities I have here right now, will not come by again. If I miss this one, I will not get it again and I will always wonder and torture myself with the “what if?” question. And I don’t want to ask myself  this question for the rest of my life.

I will not have to ask myself this question

I love you all, and I am very excited to see you in a few months, drink a hot punch at the Christmas market and just chill out.
I have been shocking my family with this in the past couple of weeks, and (this is nothing new) they are incredible. My parents are the most wonderful and amazing people in the world, who support and love me no matter what and help me get through things. I can imagine it is tough to “let go”, see that visions parents always had for their child vanish or at least change. It is a beautiful thing to see a human being grow up and become someone special, to see them grow and change, and all of a sudden they don’t “need” you anymore and get off by themselves. I can only imagine… But I do need you two, I always will and I always have, even when I don’t show it. I admire you, and I would be thankful and very fortunate to become even somewhat like you someday. You are the most incredible parents anyone could ever have. Thank you for being who you are.
I love you, Mom and Dad!
Jani,
Your daughter, who will always be your kleine Maus. <3

We went on the most beautiful weekend, it was warm, sunny, blue sky… I could almost get passionate about it!

On the beach

A beautiful day!

Victoria

Wouldn’t every wife love that?

BC Sports Hall of Fame

I am back at work for another week and then we’ll see.

Pictures: As always, www.picasaweb.google.com/janimartinius

Sun Run

Funny Story. I have been a little sick the past few days and not sleeping very well, having to take naps when I get off work and I would miss my alarams. Knowing this I set two alarms for sunday morning in order to wake up in time to go run. Guess what?! I slept through both alarms and woke up right when people started running. Kind of a bummer because it would have been fun. On the other hand, I got to sleep in which was very nice and I now own a 40$ t-shirt.

Whistler

Jani in the snow

I am at Whistler right now, I got 10 days off work and I am using those to do a bunch of fun things! This ski resort is huge! I went up to the peaks of Whistler and Blackcomb and the view is simply amazing. It wasn’t too sunny, but at least it didn’t rain or snow on the second day so I got to enjoy the most amazing view of valleys, mountains, lakes… Beautiful!

Faye and I

There are 36 different chairlifts, T-Bars and Gondolas, when you look at the map to figure out where you are you have to do it very closely since there are so many runs! The longest one is on Whistler, “peak to creek”, the longest blue run in North America, 7 km long! Quite the ride! I started up in windy, snowy, cold and great snow conditions and as I made my way down it got warmer and warmer, snow turned into rain, great snow turned into slush and grossness. The snow is breaking for you because its so wet. It’s a blast though! So much fun!

The sun came out for a moment

The longest blue run in North America: Peak to Creek 7,5km long!

The Woods

I couchsurfed in Whistler as well and Faye (my host) gave me her helmet with integrated headphones! How cool is that? Very convenient, especially when you’re out boarding by yourself since you don’t get bored as fast. It’s nice to have some music playing in the background whilst racing down the mountains.
I had a great time in Whistler and whenever you get close to it, stop by and go have fun on the mountains for a few days! It’s amazing and soooooo much fun!!

Vancouver Island

My friend Heather and I are going to the Island on the weekend. Taking an adventure trip on the ferry, visiting her parents in Nanaimo and then going down to Victoria for a day! Maybe the sun will even come out… That would be wonderful. I’m excited, it’s going to be a wicked weekend!

The finding yourself story

It can be a pain. It feels like it takes forever, there are so many ups and downs and you don’t know what to make out of them. Sometimes you think you got it, and then you see you are totally wrong. Sometimes you even forget what you are looking for or what you should be looking for. But once you got it all figured out, it feels great, it’s liberating and just nice
I like this quote, Karen Bower (in Middleton) had it up on her classroom wall: “When you’re going through hell, keep going”. So true. Often you see that people are having a bad time whatever they are doing, if it’s life in general, sports, work, it doesn’t matter what it is , but it can’t really get worse and it will get better at some point. For some it takes longer, some figure it out a bit faster, but in the end, looking back on everything that happened and seeing where you ended up (hopefully in a good place) after going through your own personal hell sure feels good. Knowing that you can handle everything that life decides to throw at you and be comfortable with the situation.

Here is another one of my favorite quotes: “Fear is only a verb when you let it be” – Andrea Gibson (I do)

Pictures as usual: www.picasaweb.google.com/janimartinius

Happy Easter everyone!

Dear Weather gods,
We have to talk. I am not happy with the job you are doing.  I have a couple of questions. Why is the weather absolutely stunning and beautiful when I am working? Almost every day. I have two days off, every week, dear Gods, and you know what? The weather sucks, every time. On days like today, I am working from 9:30am – 5:30pm and the weather is absolutely gorgeous. Why? I doubt that this is fair. I have a proposition for you folks: How about we have a few nice days when I have to work, but we also have NICE days when I am off? How about that? I am not necessarily asking for 20 degrees and sunshine, but NO rain? Is this too much to ask? Doubt it.
We will be in touch.

 
Jani

 
PS: Speaking of weather and rain, here is a very nice song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nbzM3ZI0pw

Control. Control sometimes has a negative connotation. Control. Why do we allow another person to control our emotions? We all do, every day. We give other people the permission to control our emotions and feelings, we let them invade our personal space.

 
Here is an example: Drivers in Vancouver blow their horns a lot quicker than drivers in Nova Scotia. It is a different setting on the streets, I understand, yet it is very striking. We were driving today and a tow trucker blocked the road right in front of us trying to tow a car away. Drivers started honking their horns, wanting the towtrucker to move faster to get out of the way. I could see their expressions, they were getting angry and mad at this person who is trying to do his job on a busy street. People started swearing to themselves but also at the trucker. Those people, who got angry, let the truck driver control their feelings. Yes, he is blocking the road, but can I help it? What can I do so everyone gets home faster? Maybe somebody had a bad day and his emotional level is somewhere in the valley, maybe another person was right on the peak of a mountain. And they let this man take over their feelings. They allowed him to invade their space and they got mad about a simple and ordinary incident. All of a sudden, you don’t find yourself on the peak anymore, you find yourself in the valley, not because screwed up yourself, just because there was a person blocking your way and instead of taking it easy and stopping negative emotions to go by, you pick them right up and your focus is on something so ordinary and unimportant.

I think we all let other people control our feelings and emotions too much. I am not taking myself out of this, I am trying to be good though. I can see people rambling on about things that are not worthy to even talk or get mad about. It’s those little things that tend to make our day or totally screw our day up. Is wasting our energy and focus on unimportant things really worth it?
I am not saying we should never get mad. Everybody has a right to show emotions, happiness, anger, sadness… and share them. If one is into a project and something goes wrong, of course one is allowed to get frustrated, but don’t let those negative little things make your day. They are not worth it. The very second we start getting mad about unimportand things we can’t even change, we give up the control of our emotions.

My collegue Kat and I thought this was an important thought to think about. And now it is your turn to think about it! If you would like to share it with me, I would be more than happy to read a comment or a message!

Speaking of control, I would like you to listen to this:

Andrea Gibson – Blue Blanket http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QseP3R8b-3E

(copy-paste in new tab!)
For what control is worth. Control starts within and makes its way around. We all need to be in control of ourselves and know how to get it back once we have lost it.

One’s life or rather one’s emotional stability can be represented by a mountainrange. There is a certain average, the average altitude of the mountains, but there are also a lot of peaks and valleys. Sometimes one can find him/herself in a deep valley of confusion, uncertainty mishappenings and only one little thing, a comment, a smile, a certain action puts the person right on the peak of a mountain. One feels like being on top of the world. There are times one thinks he/she is on top of everything, maybe by a good amount of ignorance. One can never be sure to stay in the same spot for a long time, one has to be prepared to cope with things life throws at them, it goes up and down, up and down and one never knows how high the next mountain or how low the next valley is.

The Mountains

The “finding yourself” journey is weird. Sometimes you think you get it and got it all figured out, and then it seems like an unsolved puzzle and you don’t know where to start putting pieces together or which ones even fit. Strange….
I thought I’d share my thoughts with you, while I was looking at the beautiful mountainrange north of Vancouver, peaks covered in wonderful snow, valleys drowning in mud.

Anyways folks, let me tell you about my life in Vancouver!

Pretty pretty

BC Sports Hall of Fame

As you all know, I got the job/internship. I have great collegues, we are basically from all over the place. Germany, Denmark, Canada with foreign origins, Mexico… A colourful bunch! At times I am the lovely frontdesk clerk everybody chats to once you enter a museum. I am the one who tells you not to drink or eat in the galleries, that you have to pay the full amount but I am also giving you directions, climbing on the tread wall in the participation room, a little cleaning here and there, putting posters for events up all over town, doing research on the internet and filling out excel charts, eating those addictive popchips, that leave a taste in your mouth tht just makes you want to eat more. Terrible!

The 2010 Olympic Flame!

I am all over the places, doing different things, which is great. It is a fun job when it is busy, when we have people walking in and around, kids sceaming in the participation room and especially doing different things than just sitting at the frontdesk filling out charts, because that is BORING! That part is more like an office job, which I will never be doing in my life. Once and for all
I work wednesdays to sundays, 9:30am – 5:30pm. I am still couchsurfing, I am actually going to meet my fourth host tonight. One one hand it is great because I get to see all the different parts of Vancouver, on the other hand I am back to backpacking and moving my stuff every few days which gets annoying after a while. Overall it is great though, don’t get me wrong!

The most famous Steam clock

My hosts have been fantastic so far, I already told you about Ava&Jamie, after that I stayed with Beck for a few days, an Australian girl, full of energy and a crazy traveller. She has been almost all over the world and is just a great person to hang out with! We went to a movie called “A better life”, a simple everyday story, with the most intruiging and strong characters. An incredible movie! We had a great time, going for walks, hanging out at home and just talking…
My last host was Tony. I would describe him as the most perfect host anyone could ever aks for. He had my bed set up when I came, he is a great man who never stops smiling and laughing, an incredible cook and he has a great sense of taking care of his couchsurfers. He told me about places to go and where I should not go, we went out to dinner, to a couple of bars and drank some good beer and we just had a great time sharing stories, food, beer, sharing our opinion on certain things going on in the world…. All in all a great guy I am looking forward to going back to!

That’s me hugging the narrowest building in the world

I just had my first weekend, I wanted to go snowboarding yesterday but the weather was really really gross. Low clouds, rain, chilly, not a very nice day to go up in the mountains! So instead of being active outside, I was laying in bed, watching series on the internet, checking out things to do, wandering the streets, visiting Ava & Jamie…. A very nice and lazy weekend! Just what you need when you are a hard worker
I think that’s about everything I wanted to tell you people today.

more pictures on: www.picasaweb.google.com/janimartinius (copy-paste in new tab! )

I finally made it!

Ava and Jamie (my first Couchsurfinghome in Vancouver) picked me up at the airport (at a reasonable time since I went on the 2pm flight) and took me home with them. I stayed with them for a few days and we had a great time! Ava is a wonderful cook (and likes to cook! ) and Jamie and I do the dishes. They are two wonderful people and took great care of me! Ava’s friend Martha came over for dinner one night, she studies German Literature and reads all those books we all disliked very much in school (Effi Briest, Woyzek…). Anyways, she is going to Berlin in the summer semester and coming to Bonn for the whole next year! That’s quite exciting because 1. Bonn is beautiful 2. Martha is great 3. We are trying to convince Ava into coming to visit us both in Bonn.
Ava and Jamie are great – I am moving on today and coming back on April 23rd since Jamie has to go to his Military training because he wants to play for the Military Band. And what’s very nice: They offered me to come back anytime if I can’t find another place or if I am stuck somewhere. Good to know that I don’t have to worry!

Jericho Park

Vancouver Skyline

I walked down to the waterfront and had a nice walk through the park and on the beach and watched many many dogs play in the freezing cold water!

Jani in the “Hood”

Vancouver!

The weather is funny here, you step outside and the sun is shining, a couple of minutes later it is hailing and raining like crazy (you take your umbrella out), as soon as you get it out and set up it stops, or at least it is not enough to actually use the umbrella. Then you put it back in the backpack (too cold and windy and wet to hold it in your hand, for me anyways) and guess what? A couple of minutes later it starts again.

Look at those cute friends!

I should be able to see the mountains from the apartment, but usually I can’t because the clouds are so low. Too bad!

The sun comes out

The poor dog! Look at the “jacket” and the pearl necklace!

 

BC Sports Hall of Fame

They managed to finally get me an interview with them. After weeks of going back and forth of “they don’t do shortterm”, “they don’t need anyone”, “we’d love to have an interview with you” … A little annoying. Nontheless, I am going over this morning to talk to them. We’ll see what we can work out!

I have to get going now, pack up my stuff and then head downtown.

As Heather McCormick said: “Jani, this is a sign, it tells you that you should be really living in Nova Scotia!”
I did want to stay longer, but not at the airport!

Halifax Airport

Air Canada pilots are not exactly on strike, but they want negotiations and more money. The weatherconditions haven’t been perfect for the past couple of days, meaning, that at least 80% of the flights are either delayed or cancelled. My flight was one of the only ones on time. We boarded a little late, sat in the plane for approximately an hour and then we had do “unboard”, get off the plane because of maintenance (or because the pilots want more money?). Our flight was rescheduled for 20:45 (instead of 18:20). I walked around, tried to rebook my flights which in the end didn’t make sense so I didn’t do it. Which was good!
Because…..

Sheraton Montreal Airport

… Of course I missed my connection, Air Canada paid for my hotel room at the Sheraton Hotel. A beautiful King size bed, the most comfortable pillows you can imagine, the blanket was a dream and even the shower was a beautiful experience!
Air Canada. I really dislike you. But this was nice. You just spent 150$ on me. Thanks!

My bed for the night

My room

Why I dislike Air Canada

They booked me in for the first flight the next morning (8am!!!!!!!), meaning I would have to get up at 5am, and we got here by midnight. As you can see, not a good idea. Since all those flights were late etc. their Reservations telephone line was totally overused. I was in the line for half hour until I gave up and did what they told me to do. Go on the internet (I paid 5$ because I thought that would get me to sleep in) and rebook on the their webpage. “You may not perform this function online.” This did make me a little mad! But i did not want to get up at 5am! I set my alarm for 5:30am, I grabbed the phone, waited in line for a few minutes, and the nice gentleman on the phone booked me in for the 2pm flight! Isn’t that nice? I got so sleep in, enjoyed my – already paid for – Bircher Müsli breakfast (Thanks AC!) , I am keeping you updated and I will have lunch at the airport and guess who pays?

This is the first part of my trip to the other side of this beautiful country. I doubt that I’ll get there on time today, but we’ll see!

… it’s always a “see you later”.

Knowing this doesn’t relly make it any easier though. Having a second home on the other side of the world is very special, it is a world that I discovered myself, I built myself a home and a life here, made friends and family and it is one of the most beautiful places on earth. My time here is going to an end (just until I come back of course) and something new is coming up. I bet it is going to be very exciting, but for now, I rather not leave… Packing and unpacking every second day, not being sure if I have work to do (other than Latin) or if I have seven weeks of fun and doing whatever I like? It imagine it sounds great (I will like it as soon as I get there I am sure) yet leaving a place that I am able call home is sad and it sucks.

Jani and Freya II

Shelley took me out horseback riding out on the trails. It was the most beautiful day yet, close to 10°C at 11am, clear blue sky, 2 beautiful horses and a peaceful trail. It’s too bad I never got to do it at home. It’s fun and now my butt hurts! In any other sport you are sore the next day, not this time! I could feel my butt a few hours later already!
Here are few pictures of the great team Jani & Freya

Good Team!

Beautiful day!

See how blue the sky is? I think summer is coming!

A beautiful trail! Especially in the summertime!

I think we look cute, Freya!

Acadia

Acadia is the closest University to Middleton. Their coaches saw me play basketball way back when I lived here and liked me and kept asking my Coach Greg Bower about me. They invited me up to Wolfville to work out with them. Turns out, they still like me (and I like them too! I love their philiosophy and how they treat their kids and the whole team) and if everything works out the way I would like it to, at some point of my glorious university career (once I get accepted, who knows when that’s going to happen!) I will go to Acadia for a year and play basketball for them as well. Isn’t that a great opportunity to combine a year abroad (recommended for an ongoing english teacher ) , playing basketball for a university (what I always wanted to do anyways) and being close to home and getting to see my folks again! A great plan!  (I just have to convince mom and dad… )
I don’t think anything else very exciting happened… I started packing, I am going out for lunch with our former Principal tomorrow, Ken & Sheila are taking me to Erica’s place where I will babysit her boys tomorrow night and they will take me to the airport on thursday.
I still don’t know whether or not I will be working… This annoys me a little bit. I am not saying I am a huge planner and I want everything planned beforehand but it would be very nice to know. I hope they hurry up and get me some good news (which would be work)
I have a place to stay for the first and last bit, if you (yes, I mean you!) happen to know anyone in Vancouver who wouldn’t mind hosting me for a few days, give me a shout. Your help would be very much appreciated!
The next time I write, I will be in Vancouver! The last leg  of my trip!

As usual, all Jani&Freya II pictures, and all the old pictures are right here: www.picasaweb.google.com/janimartinius (copy-paste in new tab)